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Short Story: Yakutsa of the Winds by EsotericDichotomy Short Story: Yakutsa of the Winds by EsotericDichotomy
The first in my Legends series.
This is the tale of Yakutsa of the Winds.

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When drawing this character: [link]
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:iconsavageremains:
I thoroughly enjoyed this work, I thought it was a thrilling tale. Well written, it flows cleanly. I look forward to reading more of your stories. Keep writing, don't give up hope. You show a lot of talent Eso, more than most people find in their whole lives. Don't lose it, use it. Allow your creativity to rise, unhindered and run amok with your stories. It may seem chaotic at first, but it will become cohesive. Thanks for posting this so I could read it, was a fantastic read. Keep going, never give up hope, and don't let people get you down.
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The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconzachvalkyrie:
I very much enjoyed reading this story. The broad, mythopoeic nature of the narrative is a nice choice, especially when combined with the sparse dialogue. The story does a very good job of building up a character, putting him through a series of trials, and finally rewarding him with a satisfying conclusion.

I am worried about the consistency of the story though. For example, you did not actually name the protagonist until the bottom of the second page, long after he was introduced. The second war is also invoked and resolved in less than a paragraph, and all without having a significant effect on the larger struggle; to me, that sounds like a bit of a narrative dead-end. I also noticed quite a few spelling and grammar mistakes, which lead me to believe that you should make a habit of proofreading your stories more closely (especially when it comes to commas and semicolons).

That being said, there is still a remarkable amount of potential in your style. You have a very natural sense of character, and consistency is something which will come to you with experience. Keep going and you’ll have something great.

I would also suggest you check out Joseph Campbell's The Hero with a Thousand Faces; a book every writer should read.
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:icongreywin:
Greywin Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Interesting, where did you get the idea of chakra energy from. I'm using a similar idea in my work.
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:iconesotericdichotomy:
EsotericDichotomy Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
To be honest, mostly naruto xD
But specifically in my universe I use two energy forms.
Chakra as a sort of Martial arts Chi or Ki that is physical spiritual energy that people can harness to affect their physical output and even create epic displays of power.
And then Mana, which allows wizards and sorcerers to cast magic. Neither Mana nor Chakra is more powerful than the other, but they both have different focuses.
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:icongreywin:
Greywin Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
also how did you set this up as a PDF document? I have a few works i wrote, but the word limit had me stuck at 20 pages.
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:iconesotericdichotomy:
EsotericDichotomy Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Just uploaded the PDF, I saw someone else do it and figured I would.
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:icongreywin:
Greywin Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I got my idea partially from Bleach as they use a reiatsu/kido system.

I use Chakra stones on points of the body from Hindu thought and just call it spiritual energy. My system uses magical energy (similar to mana) as well. For me the spiritual energy uses one's unique willpower to impose ones will upon reality while magical energy draws energy from the world itself. In my system spiritual power was stronger but more focused while magical power was more versatile and adaptable.

I just saw my friend's critique and found the similar terminologies interesting.
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:iconesotericdichotomy:
EsotericDichotomy Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah, I've never seen Bleach. For some reason the art style did not resonate with me.
However someone told me it is like DBZ + Naruto + A bit of uniqueness so I can imagine what it is like.

That's really cool, I guess these concepts are pretty "common" then, aside the authors slight modifications.

Anyway I am glad you too interest enough to comment ^ - ^
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:icongreywin:
Greywin Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Well better art than DBZ, the story doesn't always hang together well and tends to be formulaic but the way kubo uses their magic system is interesting. Aside from that Naruto and Bleach are about as different as samurai and Ninja.
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:iconesotericdichotomy:
EsotericDichotomy Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Samurai and Ninja both are similar in that they have certain rules and some sort of code of honor, but their means are very different. Makes sense -nods-

Anyway though, oddly I like the art style of DBZ more, but that's only because I grew up with it. When I see Bleach it just doesn't draw me in like the other things I have seen.
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:icongreywin:
Greywin Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
hmm, what do you think of Pokemon? I consider its art style to be similar to DBZ.
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:iconesotericdichotomy:
EsotericDichotomy Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I very much dislike Pokemon animation looks nothing like dragonball Z to me.
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